Secretly Loving You (18• Sole source of his joy) Sidnaaz

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Dear Diary, it’s been a month since I first spoke with Sidharth. I’m living the best days of my life simply by talking to him, and my encounter with him was beyond my expectation, it was surreal and divinely beautiful.

I long to hear his soothing heartbeat and feel his warm arms around me again, and I have finally made up my mind to reveal my identity to him because I believe he will accept me even after learning my identity, and now he will never leave me, but I’m waiting for the right time.

I feel like I have fallen for him more since I started talking to him because he’s sharing things with me and I’m learning more about him, but I’m still not confident enough to meet him face to face. Talking on the phone with him is fine, but when he comes in front of me, his searingly hot personality causes me to become tongue-tied.

Whatever it is, I’m glad he finally likes me and is getting closer to me.

I’m aware that he is dying to meet me, and like him, even I’m desperately waiting for the day when I’ll finally come in front of him. I get jittery thinking about his reaction after finding out who I am. Deep inside I’m certain that now he’ll accept me but somewhere I’m still frightened that what if he pushes me away after discovering that I’m his friend’s sister, his kiddo.

But I know sooner or later, I have to muster up the courage to tell him who I’m.

It was 2 am, and she was engrossed in sharing her thoughts with her diary, sitting on her swing chair. She could write about him for the rest of her life, but even that wouldn’t be enough for her.

Ella and Diana crashed on her bed after having a late-night party with her.

Her phone rang, bringing her back to earth. She smiled, knowing who could call in the middle of the night.

She rose from her swing chair and walked over to the table to retrieve the phone. Her smile grew bigger when she saw his name flashing on the phone’s screen.

“Hello, Mr Hottie.” She answered him cheerily and returned to her swing chair to sit down again.

Her pleasant voice brought a bright smile to his face, and it was becoming his favourite melody. His breath was taken away by the way she always referred to him as Mr Hottie.

“Hey, Miss Admirer. So are you done writing about me in your diary?” As he asked, her eyes glistened with astonishment.

‘He knows me so well!’ She wondered.

“No, I can never get over it as you know wondering and writing about you is my favourite hobby,” She answered him with a huge smile.

“Yes, I know very well, and I always wonder what is so special in me that you like me so much.” He enquired in a disbelief tone.

He was lying on the bed and conversing with her, forgetting about the whole world.

“Like? I adore you, Sidharth. Didn’t you come to know about this yet?” She asked him, rolling her eyes.

“Then why aren’t you revealing your identity?” He asked her the same question he always asked, and she gave him the same answer.

“As you know patience has its sweet reward.” She chuckled.

“Fuck! I don’t have this much patience, and I don’t want it to be too sweet or else I would get diabetes.” He huffed, pissed off, and she burst into laughter after listening to his words. Every time she saw his desperation to meet her, she became overjoyed.

“I didn’t know that Sidharth Shukla could be so funny.” She teased, still laughing.

“Don’t laugh, I’m serious.” He said in a stern tone.

“Then go to the hospital.” She laughed even louder, and he became Edgy.

“Haha… very funny.” He said sarcastically and rolled his eyes.

“Huh… Don’t make fun of my joke, otherwise,” she warned him.

“Otherwise, what?”

“Otherwise, I’ll never meet you.” His eyes widened and his mouth open in shock after listening to her reply.

“No issue. You know that I have my sources, so I’ll locate you.” He smirked.

“Sidharth, you’re very bad.” She made a sad pout.

“And you’re besotted with this bad boy, right?” As he asked, her eyes twinkled.

“Without any doubt.” She answered, smiling.

“I know I know.” He laughed.

No one else in his life made him laugh as much as she did. She was becoming the sole source of his joy and peace.

‘I wish I could see him laughing in front of me.’ As this thought crossed her mind, she decided to request him for the video call because she wanted to see him.

“Sidharth, could we do a video call?” She suddenly asked him.

“What’s the use of a video call when I can’t see your face?” He pouted sadly.

“But I wanna see you, please, please, Sidharth.” She implored, and how could he deny her such a sweet request.

“Okay, fine.” As he agreed, she grinned.

She instantly video-called him on WhatsApp after turning off her camera.

He lay down properly and smoothed his messy hair before answering the phone. He was unaware of how seductive he looked even with dishevelled hair.

“Hey, Miss Admirer.” He greeted her, smiling cheerily.

Her eyes twinkled with delight when she saw his handsome, adorable face. She felt a sudden urge to run her fingers through his tousled hair. He was wearing the vest, and she could see his tattoos, which captivated her.

‘How could anybody look so hot at night also?’ She wondered, staring at him in utter disbelief.

“Answer me if you’re done admiring me.” She came on the earth back and giggled, listening to his words.

“Anyway, I just want to warn you about one thing.” She stated.

“About what?” He asked, raising his brows.

“That after meeting me this time, you might need to go to the hospital due to shock.” Rolling a strand of hair around her finger, she told him.

“Why?”

“After knowing who I’m.” She laughed after saying this.

She thoroughly enjoyed talking to him while completely forgetting about the rest of the world.

“From the beginning, you’ve piqued my curiosity. Oh, Miss Admirer, please meet me. Nobody has ever made me beg so hard.” He was irritated.

‘I’ll meet you soon, Sidharth, and surprise you by revealing my identity to you. I have waited so long for you, Mr Shukla, now it’s your turn to do the same.’ She thought, smiling.

“First, promise me you won’t stop talking to me like this even after you figure out who I am.” She asked him to make a promise to her because she wanted to be certain he would not push her away.

“Do you think I can go a day without talking to you? And after our encounter, I have become certain that you’re the only one my heart was longing for. You’re becoming my addiction, Miss admirer. I just wonder what would happen if I meet you this time. I’m surely gonna bury you in my arms for eternity.” Her lips curved into a broad smile after listening to this, and she became even more eager to meet him.

‘Fuck! I can’t believe that I’m becoming his addiction.’ She wondered and shook her head in disbelief.

“Oh God, are you planning to kill me with your words?” She asked him in astonishment.

“I’m just stating the truth.”

She could see the truth in his deep brown eyes, and sense that his every word was directly coming from his heart.

“You know, the first time I messaged you, I didn’t even expect a response from you. But now that you have become addicted to me, it feels like a dream come true” She smiled broadly at him.

“And you know how much my life has changed since meeting you? You have given me a reason to live. I was spending my days before meeting you. Sorry, correction, before talking to you, and since the day I started talking to you, I began living my life to the fullest because you make me feel alive. I’m glad that you messaged me and changed my life like this. Moreover, after our unique encounter, I realised that you’re the missing piece of my life.” He rendered her speechless with his genuine confession.

‘Oh, God! He’s driving me insane. He has no idea how grateful I am to make him feel alive. Now I’m certain that my decision to reveal my identity in front of him is undoubtedly correct.’ She thought, smiling with glee.

He continued, “I always despised love, but after seeing your love for me, gradually I stopped hating it and realised how pure the emotion of love is. So thank you for changing my belief about love.”

‘He has begun believing in love, I can’t believe it.’ A peaceful smile flashed on her face and a lone tear of joy rolled down her cheek.

Every word he said arose goosebumps all over her body. She felt as if she were in a dream because she had always fantasised about their fairy tale love story like this.

“I’m very delighted to hear that you don’t despise the feeling of love any longer.” When they spoke to one another, their smiles didn’t fade, and his smile was giving immense peace to her soul.

She noticed the time was 3 a.m. when Ella coughed in her sleep; she had been talking to him for one hour. When she talked to him, time seemed to fly by.

“So when you’re meeting me?” He enquired again.

“Sidharth, I’m sleeping now and you meet me in my dream.” She chuckled, gazing into his bewitching brown eyes.

‘I don’t want to say him Good night today and sleep as I’m feeling like keep admiring his handsome face, but sadly I have to sleep because tomorrow I have college.’ She wondered with a sad pout.

“You’re sleeping?” He asked her in a grim tone.

“Yes, I have to wake up early morning.” She told him dejectedly.

“But, please don’t sleep, I wanna talk to you more.” He requested and made a cute pout, making her smile.

‘How could anybody refuse him after seeing him requesting so adorably? He’s my adorable baby.’ He was looking at her with puppy dog eyes, and she felt like gobbling him up.

“Now, you’re behaving like me.” She chuckled.

“I think it is the effect of you on me. With the colour of your love, you have illuminated my gloomy life.” He always stole her with his words.

“Please, stop there or else I can’t able to fall asleep.”

“Then don’t sleep, just talk to me.“ He laughed after saying this.

“Okay as you want.” A smile of triumph flashed on his face as she gladly accepted his request because she too wanted to talk to him and admire him.

Then they talked the whole night and doze off while conversing with each other.

***

The next morning, Ella and Diana were waking her up.

“Let me sleep.” She grumpily shrieked and pulled the comforter over her face.

“You’re getting late for your college, barbie.” Ella snatched the comforter.

“Ella, fuck you. You’re so bad.” She scowled at her, sitting up while adorably rubbing her eyes.

“Who asked you to spend the entire night talking to your hottie biker?” Ella chastised her, and she gave her a sullen look.

“Shut up and let me sleep.” She growled and again lay down on the bed, putting the pillow above her face.

“Ella, let her sleep. She must be tired after last night.” As Diana said, Sana removed the pillow from her face and looked at her with shimmering eyes.

“Diana, I love you.” She gave Diana a flying kiss, beaming, making her chuckle.

“Okay, fine. We’re leaving for work.” Ella said.

“Bye, guys. I’ll go to college in the next lecture.” She told them.

She grabbed her phone as soon as they left to check Sidharth’s message.

Although she was feeling sleepy, still she couldn’t resist thinking about her hottie biker.

She pouted because she hadn’t received any message from him.

“I think he must be sleeping. I should also sleep.” She murmured and slept.

***

She woke up after one hour and drank water from the side table because she was feeling thirsty.

“Why I’m still feeling so sleepy? Oh, God, I should have gotten some sleep last night.” She sighed and dozed off again.

After a few hours, she woke up and noticed the time on the clock.

“I slept so much.”

Ethan entered the room and approached her. “Hey, sweetie, are you alright? Why didn’t you go to college today?” He inquired after taking a seat next to her.

She put her head on his lap. “I just have a headache.”

He pressed her head lovingly, and she just warmly smiled at him.

He leaned down and kissed her forehead. She always felt so fortunate to have a brother like him in her life.

“Now come downstairs after getting fresh and eat something.” He ordered her sternly, before raising her head from his lap and standing up.

She smiled and bobbed her head at him. “I’ll be there in five minutes.” She told him while showing him her hand.

He beamed at her one last time before leaving. She rolled out of bed and lumbered to the bathroom to freshen up.

She came out and checked the phone.

“Still no message.” She pouted as she checked her phone for a message from him.

“I’m not going to message today unless he messages me first.” She muttered and placed her phone on the table with a thud before walking out to eat something.

She waited for his message all day, until the evening when she finally decided to message him as she was becoming concerned about him.

She opened the WhatsApp and her brows narrowed in confusion as she noticed that he removed his WhatsApp Dp.

‘He was looking so hot in the DP? Why did he remove it? I’ll ask him.” She talked to herself.

My Admirer: Where have you been since morning? No message, no call?

She became even more perplexed when she sent him the message and only one tick appeared. She immediately called him, but to her dismay, his phone was coming switched off.

She became anxious and began to suspect that something was fishy.

‘Did he block me?’ As this thought entered her mind, she felt a piercing pain in her heart and her eyes welled up with tears.

She felt as if her world had come to a halt and someone had taken the reason for her existence on this planet. The poor soul had no idea God was going to re-examine her selfless love for him.

***

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