“Are you sure you heard her saying that she loves him?” Dev asked me in a disbelief tone when I told him everything.
I nodded at him and fresh tears coursed my cheeks mechanically. “Why does this happen with me always, Dev?”
“Do you love her, Sidharth?” He suddenly asked me in a serious tone, making me angry.
“No.” I gritted my teeth. “I don’t love her, she is just my submissive. I was soft with her because I thought she is different and she deserves love but I was wrong.”
“Just talk to her, Sidharth, why would she hide this from you? And Eve also never told me about her boyfriend. I think you have some misunderstanding.” He tried to explain me but at this time I’m not in my senses.
“I have heard it from my ears and seen it from my eyes.” I shouted.
Why it’s hurting me so much.
“Sometimes what we see and hear, it isn’t the truth. If you have some kind of feelings for her, just clear it with her. And now please don’t say that you don’t have feelings for her because if you don’t have those feelings, it won’t be hurting you so much.”
“If there was love between us, I would have pushed Sana away from me because love only hurts, Dev. I hate love.” I growled at him, fuming in anger.
“Sidharth, past is past, don’t ruin your future because of your past and I don’t think Sana is that type of girl. Please, put your past on the side and think about it. Please.” He pleaded.
I shouted, cutting his words. “Dev, every girl is the same. They only know how to hurt men. You are right, I had feelings for Sana, I was fucking changing for her but what she did to me. She also hurt me like Emmy. I can’t take this, Dev.” A sob escaped out my mouth. “I’m a human being and it hurts me. You know-you know, I was ready to give a second chance to my life and her. For her, I opened all the walls which I had formed around my heart, she came into my life like a ray of hope but today I’m despaired because of her.”
Tears welled up in my eyes also after seeing my friend’s condition. I just hugged him and said nothing because I know right now my no word will make him feel better. He’s crying like a baby in my arms and it’s hurting me a lot.
“Everything will be okay, Sidharth. Trust me.” I said, rubbing his back.
He broke the hug and cried out, “nothing will be okay after today because she destroyed me, she destroyed everything.”
“Everything is over.” Murmuring this to himself, again and again, he went upstairs to his room and I also cried silently, staring at him.
I had thought that Sana would bring his lost happiness into his life but she did the opposite. But I still can’t believe that she loves somebody else. If she had, Eve would have told me. I have to talk to her.
She has gone out of LA for important work and I’ll talk to her as soon as she comes back.
The whole night, I spent thinking how would I face him after realising my feeling and I could able to sleep for an hour only. I was feeling so restless. Eve is also not with me and I can’t even share this with her because she tells everything to Dev and Dev tells everything to Sidharth and eventually, Sidharth will come to know. And I can’t let Sidharth knows that I love him or else he will push me away from himself.
Sidharth: Meet me in half an hour at my place.
Me: I’ll be on time.
I took a quick shower and left to meet him as soon as I received a message from him.
I don’t how I’m gonna face him after realising that I’m in love with him and how I’m gonna hide my feelings from him. It’s going to be difficult but I have to do this because I don’t want him to push me away from himself. I just want to stay with him because I love him and I feel alive when he is around me.
I reached his place and Mary told me that Sidharth asked me to wait for him in the playroom.
Are we gonna have the first session today? I wondered, walking to the playroom but I’m seriously not in a mood for this.
But what I’ll say to him? How will I deny him?
I stepped into the playroom and switched on the lights. The room is the same as others BDSM rooms. I just sat on the bed, lost in my world, staring straight.
I waited for him, wondering about his words which I had heard yesterday.
Why he runs away from love? Why he hates love so much?
“Have you forgotten the rule?” I heard his stern voice and instantly stood after coming on the earth back.
He’s striding towards me with a serious look on his face, I can see anger in his eyes.
What happened to him? Why he is angry?
“Which rule?” I asked him.
“When I ask you to wait for me in the playroom, you have to wait for me naked, kneeling on the floor.” I made O mouth.
Oh shit! Because of my feelings, I utterly forgot about the rules.
“I think you have forgotten that I’m your Master, Sana.” My eyes widened a bit in shock when he called me with my name for the first time.
My eyes brimmed with tears.
“But I’ll make you remind today that who I’m, Sana.” He completed his words and a lone tear trickled down my cheek automatic as he called me Sana again.
“Why aren’t you calling me Butterfly?” I asked sadly, ignoring his words.
“I’m your Master! You don’t have the right to ask me questions, understand Sana?”
I’m feeling like he is deliberately calling me Sana to hurt me.
“Just stop! It’s hurting me.” I screamed.
“I don’t care.” He growled at me in anger, making me flinch.
“Just remove your clothes like a good submissive and take your punishment.” He ordered aggressively.
I’m finding his behaviour so strange today.
“What did I do so wrong that you’re behaving so rude to me? You promised me that you wouldn’t hurt me by behaving rudely with me. Why are you doing this?” I asked him and fresh tears coursed down my cheeks.
“No more questions. I’m asking you to remove your clothes or else I’ll remove your clothes in my way which you don’t like.” He warned, hurting me more and more.
“I can’t take this. I’m going.” A sob escaped out of my mouth.
“You can’t go from here. You’re my submissive and you have to follow my goddam every order.” He snarled at me.
“I’m your submissive and not your slave.” I rebuked, frowning.
“You’re my submissive, my slave everything.” He roared with rage, clutching my arms.
“Have you lost it, Sidharth? What happened to you? Tell me.” I asked him.
“Don’t dare to call me with my name again.” He gritted his teeth and warned me after coming close to me dangerously.
Yesterday, he had asked me to call himself with his name and today why he is behaving like this. Now I’m damn sure there is something which he isn’t telling me.
“Till yesterday everything was fine. Please tell me what happened? Please.” I almost begged because his sudden changed behaviour is shattering my heart. It’s hurting me so much.
“You’re rising my anger, Sana, just stop asking me questions and follow my order.”
“No, I won’t until you tell me what’s the matter.”
“Enough of your questions. One word from your mouth and I will gag you.” He warned me and I just stared at him with utter disbelief and shock.
Is he out of his mind?
He has to tell me what’s the matter. I can’t get scared from his words.
“I know you’re just scaring me, you’ll not do this with me.”
“Sana! Sana! Sana! you don’t know me.” He gave me a devilish smile.
Oh, God! Will he just stop calling me with my name?
My eyes dilated in shock as he took out a ball gag from one of the drawers and marched towards me.
No, I can’t take this anymore.
“Monster.” I used my safeword because he is crossing all the limits.
I never thought I would use this word but today he forced me to use it. And I never thought that after yesterday he would behave like this with me.
Now deep inside I’m hating myself for loving him.
“Just get lost from here.” He shouted.
But I’m still hoping that he will tell me what’s the real matter. I said, “I won’t go from here until you tell me what happened to you. I’m not a fool that I can’t see you’re hiding something from me.”
“Why did you hide that you love,”
My eyes dilated in shock and I asked him in a disbelief tone, cutting his words, “you come to know?”
How did he come to know that I love him? Shit!
“Yes, now I know everything. Our relationship is over now, Sana.” He declared and I gasped.
“Please, don’t do this. I want to stay with you. Don’t push me away from you.” I begged, holding his hands and crying.
“Are you out of your mind, Sana?” He shouted, jerking my hand. “How could I stay with you after knowing that you love somebody else?”
What? I love somebody else? What is he saying?
I just stared at him, baffled.