I climbed down the bed and strolled to him. I placed my hand over his shoulder and asked, “Sidharth, what happened?” He looked up at me, his lips were drawn up to a beautiful smile. I sighed with relief after seeing his smile.
“Oh my god, she is back, Shehnaaz, it is unbelievable.” Sidharth uttered in disbelief, his eyes shimmering with happiness and excitement.
“But who is back?” I wondered, confused. I didn’t know why I was getting negative vibes.
“Who is back, Sidharth?” I asked in a low voice.
“The girl I loved a hundred years ago, she is back.” As he merrily told me, I felt like someone stabbed a knife directly into my heart. I could see so much love in his eyes for her. My chest became heavy with pain as I saw love for somebody else in his eyes.
“Will you leave me now and go to her ?” I clutched my hands and asked, fighting back with my tears.
“Shehnaaz..” he paused and closed his eyes. His silence was making me more and more anxious. My heart was thumping with fear.
He took a deep breath and said, “I know you love me a lot but I am sorry because I can’t love you as I still love My Inayat, I have spent hundred years without her, she is my life, Shehnaaz and I love her, there is a special place in my heart for you, but I can never love you the way I love Inayat.” I became numb, I was not understanding what should I do.
“Shehnaaz, I’m guilty that I m breaking your heart, I thought that between us, there is love, but it was just an attraction. After Inayat, the girl who attracted me, that was you only, that’s why I mistakenly thought, it was love and now when Inayat is back, I came to know it wasn’t love because I still love her, I just want to be with her again, I want to complete our incomplete love story, but I don’t even want to hurt you, Shehnaaz, what should I do?” I was listening to him standing like a dead body in front of him, my gaze was fixed on the floor. It was like a nightmare, the person whom I loved, he loved someone else. My love was a mistake for him.
As he held my hand, I moved my eyes to him. His eyes were filled with guilt. “Please, Shehnaaz say something, your silence is killing me. If you don’t say anything, I won’t able to go, I really don’t want to hurt anyone.” He said guiltily and I just stared at him.
A few minutes back, my happiness had no bound after getting the person whom I loved the most, it was like my dream comes true, but now my dream shattered utterly, my heart broke down into millions of pieces. My body started shaking.
“I have to control my emotions because I know if I cry, he won’t go and he will feel more guilty, and if he lives happily, I will also live happily. I love him and his happiness matters the most to me.” I thought in my mind and made myself strong for his happiness.
I took a deep breath to gather the courage to speak. “Sidharth, I want your happiness, it is not your mistake that you don’t love me. If God has sent back your first love to you, so there must be some reason. You should go to her, if you live happily with her, I will also live happily.” I was trying to show myself strong but only my heart knew what pain I was going through. The pain was unbearable. I was trying hard to hold back my tears from escaping out of my eyes.
“Shehnaaz, you were seriously my angel and you will remain my angel because you took away my darkness and only because of you, today I am getting back my Inayat.” As he took Inayat name, a smile flashed on his face. I could clearly see how much he loved Inayat.
My heart ached painfully as I wondered, “No, I cannot take this any more, why I have no right to live happily, why always me?”
I turned around and tears found their way out. “Sidharth, please go now, if you stay here for a few minutes more I will never let you go leaving me.” I asked him to go because I was not in a condition to face him, I didn’t want to show my pain to him. I wanted to cry out aloud but not in front of him.
“Sidharth, please go, I beg you.” I shrieked in a crying tone as he placed his hand over my shoulder. I had no more power left in me to face him and control my emotions. It was so hard.
As he squeezed my shoulder before removing his hand, I shut my eyes and fresh tears trickled down my eyes. I didn’t want him to go, I wanted him to stay with him, but couldn’t say anything.
I have to let him go for his happiness.
After a few seconds when I didn’t feel his presence, I turned around and hastily shut the window before slumping down on the floor. I became hysterical and cried loudly in agony, fisting the curtains.
He left me, he went away leaving me alone. For him his love was just a mistake, for him it wasn’t love, it was just an attraction. All this was unbelievable to believe but it was true because I saw the real happiness in his eyes when he was telling me about Inayat. From starting the pain which I had been seeing in his eyes, today that pain was not there in his eyes. He was happy after getting his love back, I was nothing for him. He always loved Inayat.
“Why god always me, why I never get happiness? I can’t live without him, I want him back but I have to let him go for his happiness because I had no other option. Why did I fall in love with him? It was my mistake.” I howled in anguish, the pain was killing me from inside. Thinking that he loved someone, my heart was breaking into many pieces. It was hurting me so much. The hole in my heart is growing and growing.
What do you think after reading this part?