“So, is this the reason S-Soha is your personal secretary?” She blurted out and I was taken aback by her this question.
I never thought she gonna say this after whatever happened between us today.
I never thought that she would think this low about me.
I so wanted to shout on her but her eyes… Damn… I can vividly see immense pain in her eyes.
I’m utterly blank. I’m not able to react.
As unfamiliar emotions passed through my body, I moved away from her slightly.
“It’s okay, I understand.” She slightly nodded her head, looking deep in my eyes but her eyes are saying so many things which her mouth isn’t.
But what shocked me is that why I’m able to read her eyes?
Why her words are hurting me?
I’m just staring in her eyes, I just wanted to communicate with her through her eyes.
But what she said next, it hurt me to the core.
“B-but I can’t be your toy, Mr Shukla. I know it’s pure lust between us and we should somehow stop it before it gets out of our hands.” She uttered after taking a deep breath and I felt something breaking deep inside my heart.
She was looking so broken too.
Did I really make her feel like a toy?
I never even thought to do something like this to any girl.
What I feel for her is something else which I can’t describe in words and she thinks I’m using her as a toy. How do I explain to her that, she’s the first girl who attracted me like this? She’s the first girl for whom I broke my own rules.
Never in my life, I ever mixed my personal and professional relations but with her, I crossed my all boundaries.
I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t control myself whenever she’s around me. She drives me crazy with her sexy eyes. When I look into her those captivating eyes, I just get lost in them, forgetting everything.
Certainly, it just not a physical attraction. It can’t be. It is something beyond my thinking. It is magical. I feel like there is a strong connection between us.
I thought to talk about this to her when I came out from the lift.
I thought to give it a try.
First time in my life, I was going to talk about these things.
But she thinks, I’m using her as a toy.
Am I really using her?
Did I really make her feel like a toy?
Suddenly guilt started engulfing me. I was feeling so ashamed about myself. I couldn’t make any eye contact with her.
I need to end this. I can’t make her feel like this anymore. I never wanted to make her feel like this.
“Get out,” I said, turning my back against her as a lone tear rolled down my cheek.
She doesn’t deserve this!
That night too, she was broken, and what I did?
I used her!
How can I do this?
She’s already dealing with some problems, I can feel this. In fact, I can read her eyes but instead of helping her out, I’m creating more problems in her life.
No! Now, I’ll not create more problems in her life. Now I’ll only try to maintain a healthy professional relationship between us. I’ll try to ignore her as much as possible because I just can’t control myself when she’s around me.
I don’t know exactly what I feel for her, but I know one thing that she’s special.
“Yes, indeed, she’s special.” I whispered, taking out her that “Goodbye” note from my pocket. One more tear fell trickled down my cheek and my heart ached.
In next few weeks, I didn’t see him much and tried to avoid him at any cost and he was doing the same thing too. He used Cabir or Soha to communicate with me regarding whatever he needed about the designs.
Maybe now, he doesn’t need me!
I was right, I was just a toy for me him. He didn’t even bother to talk to me once. He just wanted me to satisfy himself.
But to be honest, I missed him. Yes, I missed him and it hurts me a lot. I feel so wretched whenever I think about him and miss him.
“His smile, his mole above his lips, his eyes, his sexy voice, his anger.” I’m really missing every single little detail of him.
I don’t know why but he’s really affecting me.
I need to clear out my mind. I can’t stay like this. I want to get over him. There was nothing between us. It was just a physical attraction.
“Hey, Shehnaaz.” I heard someone’s voice behind my back, and I turned to see it’s Harshad.
I was literally behaving so cold with everyone, but I think it’s not right. I won’t let him affect me more.
“Hey, Harshad,” I said, trying to put a smile.
“You literally seemed so low from a few days, are you okay?” He asked.
I wanted to say him mind your own business, but I didn’t because I saw Sidharth’s reflection in the mirror which is placed on my left side of the wall.
Is he hearing my conversation?
No, wait. He must be here to check, is he still affecting me or not.
Sidharth Shukla, you’re nothing for me. I’ll not let you think, that you’re affecting me.
I’m wondering, playing with my fingers.
“Shehnaaz?” Harshad’s voice dragged me out of my inner zone.
“Aghh… Yes, Harshad. I’m totally fine I was so busy to wrap up my work so that I can enjoy my weekend.” I said, smiling extra sweetly to him.
“Oh… That nice.” He replied, smiling back.
“So will you like to join me at the club?” I asked him, glancing at Sidharth’s reflection in the mirror.
Now, you’ll get to know Mr Shukla that you’re not affecting me.
“Yeah sure,” Harshad said, smiling like a fool.
Idiot! Who smiled like this.
He should learn something from Sidharth.
Wait! Wtf is wrong with me? Why I’m comparing him with Sidharth?
He just doesn’t care about me. I don’t care about him too.
It was around 9 pm, and I was drinking continuously, sitting in my room, staring at her “Goodbye” Note.
Her being with someone else is affecting me.
I can’t picture her presence with anyone else.
Ignoring her was so difficult, I tried to ignore her as much as possible but I can’t stop myself from missing her.
I missed her so much.
I really missed her presence next to me.
Her smile, her eyes, her lips, her fragrance, her smooth silky hair, her angry pout, her childish revenge, in short, I missed each and every single little detail of her.
I came out of my thoughts as suddenly my phone rang up, showing an unknown number.
I wasn’t in the mood to answer it, but I don’t know what happened to me, that I couldn’t stop myself from answering that call.
“Hello” As soon as I placed the phone on my ear, my breath hitched for a second. I went totally numb as I heard voice. The sexy voice which drives me crazy.
“Shehnaaz,” I whispered, not able to digest the fact, that she’s literally talking to me.
“Hello, Sidharth.” She said again, making me come out of my land. “Oh, so now you won’t even talk to me? Oh yeah, I get it, why will you talk to me because now I’m not giving you what you want. Am I right, Mr Shukla?”
“Nan,” she’s not letting me speak.
“I just called you to let you know that I’m very happy, Sidharth. You’re not affecting me. I’m so so so happy. I’m enjoying so much, Sidharth.” She said, slightly slurring on her words. Her voice is filled with immense pain and she seemed drunk to me. She’s blaming me, but still, I’m feeling bad for her.
“Shehnaaz are you drunk?” I asked in a serious tone.
“Oh! Shut up, Sidharth. I’m shoooo happy… I’m enjoying it… so much.” She replied, and I got my answer.
“Shehnaaz, where are you?” I again asked, hoping that maybe some miracle happens and she tells me like normal people.
But is that even possible?
She just loves to test my patience.
“It’s none of your business.” Yes, that’s what I got in reply. Before I could say something she cut the call.
Damn! This girl.
She loves to put herself in problems!
Here I’m feeling guilty, and she’s completely ready to welcome more problems in her life.
And why the fuck she’s drunk?
Is that jerk is still with her?
I need to reach there as soon as possible because I don’t want her to put her life in danger. I’m extremely worried for her.