Warning: A emotional part ahead, beware.
Sidharth was lying on the floor in a dark room. Like usual days, he was lost in the memories of Nandita, his childhood love who had separated from him because of his mistake. He was leaving in guilt as he used to blame himself for everything. His heart used to cry thinking about her condition, his heart used to cry thinking about their beautiful memories when they were together. He missed her smile, he missed her cute talks, he missed everything about her. It had been sixteen years passed but then even he remembered each and every moment which he had spent with her. He was dying in the pool of guilt for leaving her alone that day. The pain, he was going through, no one could understand.
“Manu, I am waiting for you, why are you not coming? Manu, ahaha…” the painful voice of her screams echoed in his ear and broke his already broken heart even more. Tears were constantly falling down from his eyes. His heart was aching badly. He was dying a bit by bit every day. He was like moving dead soul. But there was one thing which used to give him little peace from his pain that was his singing. Singing used to take him in another world where he was with Nandita. Singing used to give him the strength to find her but sometimes singing also became very hurtful for him.
(Ye dil tanha kyun rahe
Kyun hum tukdon mein jiye
Ye dil tanha kyun rahe
Kyun hum tukdon mein jiyein
Kyun rooh meri ye sahe
Main adhoora jee raha hoon
Hardum ye keh raha hoon
Mujhe teri zaroorat hai
Mujhe teri zaroorat hai)
He started singing in a painful tone, staring at the ceiling of the darkroom with sorrowful eyes. The words which he was singing, it was clearly showing how badly he needed her in his life. How lonely he used to feel without her, his soul was suffering without her, he was nothing without her, he just needed her in his life and nothing else, he was completely incomplete without her. His painful voice was clearly showing that he was in extreme pain which couldn’t be described in words.
(Tere jism ki wo khushbuyein
Ab bhi in saanson mein zinda hai
Mujhe ho rahi in se ghutan
Mere gale ka ye phanda hai
teri choodiyon ki wo khanak
Yaadon ke kamre mein goonje hai
Sun kar ise aata hai yaad
Haathon mein mere zanjeerein hain
Tu hi aa ke in ko nikaal zaraa
Kar mujhe yahaan se rihaa)
He was singing putting his heart in the song and tears were constantly trickling down his eyes. Memories of Nandita were coming in front of his eyes like a movie playing on the screen. He was saying that fragrance of her body is still alive in his breaths which are now suffocating him. The sounds of her bangles echoes in the room of memories, listening to this he remembers that there are chains around his hands which can be removed by her only.
(main adhoora jee raha hoon
Ye sadaayein de rahaa hoon
Mujhe teri zaroorat hai
Mujhe teri zaroorat hai)
“Nandu, please tell me, where are you, I can’t live without you Nandu,” he started screaming after getting up and started finding her in the room. “Aahaa,” he howled loudly after opening his arms, tried to take out his pain but nothing happened. Nothing was helping him to come out of his pain and guilt. He started crying holding his head after slumping on the floor with thud. His condition was clearly showing that the pain, he was going through, it was unbearable.
Then he took out the knife from the pocket of his jacket and stared at the knife, having pain in his eyes. He pulled the sleeves of his jacket and shirt up his arms and started cutting his arms with the knife, again and again, his hand was already covered with bandages and old marks which was clearly showing that it wasn’t the first time, he was doing this with himself. He used to do this because by giving himself physical pain he wanted to forget the pain which was breaking his heart. But it was also not helping, he didn’t feel any other pain except the pain of living without the love of his life. The blood started dropping down on floor from his hands, but he wasn’t feeling any pain.
Cabir, his best friend and also his childhood friend rushed into the room while shouting. “Sidharth, stop it,”
He snatched the knife from his hand and threw it away. “Why you always do this to yourself, Sidharth?” Cabir asked, holding his bleeding hand. Sidharth was standing still and giving him blank looks. Cabir looked at him helplessly and made him sit on the bed and brought the first aid box. He started putting the bandage on his wounds after cleaning it while Sidharth was blankly staring at the wall, had no emotion in his eyes.
“Sidharth, I support you in everything, you sleep on the floor, eat only dal chawal daily, cry day and night. I never asked you to live happily because I can understand your condition as you thought Nandita is also living this type of life, she is in pain, then how you can live happily when on the other she is living in pain. But Sidharth, I really don’t support you in this, hurting yourself will not do anything, it just put your life in danger” Cabir tried to explain him, but nothing affected him. He was just lost in his deep pain where other voices couldn’t be approached.
“You don’t need to be worried, Cabir. I will not die until she is alive because our breath and our hearts are connected to each other, if one heart stops beating, the other heart will stop beating automatically. I want to die, Cabir, but I am so helpless that I can’t even kill myself because I need to find her because she is waiting for me. Jab bhi marne ki khoshish karta hoon, humsha koe na koe aa aakar bacha leta hai, that’s why I am saying Cabir, don’t worry about me.” he said, looking at him, having pain in his eyes and then paused for a moment.
“Pichle kuch salo se toh samjh hi nhi aarha ki mein kya kar karta hoon, kha kya bolta hoon. Sota khi aur uthta khi aur hi hoon. kaha jata hoon, kaha pauch jata hoon, kuch samjh hi nhi ata, yaar” he uttered now, having no emotion in his eyes. Cabir was just looking at him helplessly and he was feeling so much pain listening to his words. His words were clearly showing that he was living a life like a dead soul.
“Kal hi ek club mein beth kar mein pee rha tha aur pata nhi kese, kisi ki gadhi ke aage aa pocha aur jab hosh aaya toh apne aap ko hospital mein paya, aur jis ladhki ne mujhe bachya, ush par hi chilane laga” he paused for a moment and chuckled. ” voh bhi kya soch rhi hogi na mere bare mein, ki kesa insan tha, ek toh meine ushe bachya, upar se thank you toh dur ki bat, mujhi par chilane laga” he was telling him about last night incident. Indirectly, he was telling him that life is now not in his control, he doesn’t understand what he does and what he says.
“Cabir, I really can’t live like this anymore, I am dying, the pain is killing me, I just need her Cabir. Please, bring her, please” he begged and cried while Cabir just took him in his hug and let him cry. “Why I can’t find her, why this is happening? If I had known that falling in love will become a mistake then I would have never done the mistake of falling in love with her.” he said while crying badly after breaking the hug and Cabir like always controlled his emotions difficulty after seeing him in his worst condition.
“You will get Nandita, Sidharth. Your true love for her will surely win. One day, God will surely bow down his head in front of your love, I am sure.” Cabir spoke with full confidence to encourage his friend. Like a true friend, he used to support and encourage him always. Sidharth was lucky to get a friend like Cabir.
“Come on, let’s go now,” Cabir said, holding him from shoulder and he nodded his head at him blankly. Sidharth was going crazy, sometimes, he became emotionless and next moment only he started crying. His condition was becoming worst, he consulted Doctor became his mother insisted him but even doc couldn’t to do anything in his case as he himself was not ready to get fine and live happily. Nothing was helping him out.
At night, Sana reached back home from the office. She couldn’t concentrate on work because of the incident which had happened with her in the morning, after seeing the true colours of her Rockstar, she was still shattered and thinking that how could he. But little did she know that what he had done with her that time his mind was not in his control, and she also had no idea that what he was going through. What Sidharth did with her, that was completely wrong, but that time his mind was not in his control, the pain was making him crazy.
Then one of her friends, Mukti called up and she asked for night clubbing. She agreed because really, she needed to distract her mind from Sidharth Shukla. First, she had decided to take revenge from him but thinking about all this, she was going crazy that’s why she dropped the plan of taking revenge and thought to change her mood by going to the club with Mukti.
Mukti was Shehnaaz’s best friend, with whom she used to share everything, but she decided that she would not share Sidharth’s incident with her because somewhere her heart still didn’t want to hear something bad about him.
After some time she reached club and her eyes were searching Mukti all around. She was wearing a beautiful black midi which was coming up to her mid-thigh. She was looking hot and the black heels were perfectly suiting with her dress.
“Sana, oh my god, today you are going to kill all the boys here with your looks” Mukti indirectly complimented her after coming to her.
“Muku, you too are not looking less.” She also gave her compliment and they hugged each other tightly.
“Let’s have some drink,” Mukti suggested after breaking the hug.
“Let’s go, I need it badly,” Sana agreed instantly and they went to have drinks.
They both were dancing crazily after getting drunk and then her eyes fell on the person whom she wanted to forget. The person was non-other than Sidharth Shukla. She opened her eyes wide and tried to look that he was really there.
“Oh god, what do you want? I came here to forget him, and you brought him in front of my eyes again.” She complained to god, closing her eyes cutely.
Closing her eyes, she remembered about her insult and it made her angry. She opened her eyes and glared at him in anger. He was standing there, lost in his own world and Cabir was also drinking, standing with him. She came there and picked up glass of wine. She threw the wine over Sidharth’s face and made Cabir and Sidharth shocked. Mukti came behind her and got hell shocked to see this.
“This is for insulting me, Mr Sidharth Shukla.” She growled at him in anger and his eyes were looking down. Then he swept his eyes to her after rubbing his face with his hand. He had no emotion in his eyes.
He left from there without speaking a word, leaving a shocked Shehnaaz behind him. He made her shocked by not reacting. In the morning, without any mistake, he shouted on her and now, he didn’t say a single word, this shocked her a lot.
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