Part: 44 Fighting With the Fear
Next whole day, Sana didn’t get Sid’s message and she became restless because the same had happened with her a few years back. Arjun had done same with her, he left, saying that he’s going for some important work and started ignoring her, after that she had lost him forever. Now Sid was also not responding to her calls and messages. She was getting anxious because of her past again, and she was losing control of her mind by overthinking, mixing her past and present because everything was happening the same as before.
“No, no, Sid can never do this me. He loves me a lot. He must be busy. I’m thinking wrong.” She was murmuring this again and splashing water on her face, standing in the bathroom.
“I still remembered Arjun always said that, that he would never leave me, he would always love me, but one day he ended everything. If Sid leaves me like Arjun, I’ll surely die.” She slumped down and started crying hysterically, hugging her knees close to her chest.
“I really love Sid and started trusting him too, but why this is happening to me. When will I get normal? When will this fear go? When will I get free from my past and fear utterly?” She became hysterical and began screaming. She was getting an anxiety attack again.
She stopped screaming when she heard the ringtone of her phone which was kept on the bathroom’s slab. She instantly stood up.
“Sid,” She saw the caller id and murmured, having a small smile on her face. She was so happy and relieved because she had been proved wrong, he called her. He was doing her video call.
“Oh shit, if he sees tears in my eyes and comes to know that I again started doubting him, he will get hurt. I don’t want to hurt him.” She placed the phone on slab and hastily splashed the water on her face before picking up his video call.
She picked up the call and her lips curved into a broad smile, seeing his face. Only by seeing his face, she felt relief.
“I’m so sorry, Angel. I was really busy in the night shoot, and when I picked my phone to call you, I got to know that there was a network problem. I hope, you didn’t think wrong. You trust me right? You know that I will never ignore you intentionally, right?” She could vividly see how much he loved her, she experienced a sharp pang of guilt for doubting him again, she burst into tears in front of him mechanically.
His heart skipped beating for a second, seeing his angel in pain.
“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.” She apologised, crying in the guilt.
“Why are you saying sorry, Angel? You’re scaring me now. Tell me what happened?” He asked instantly, his heartbeat quickened and his eyes too brimmed with tears, seeing his angel in pain.
“I’m sorry for doubting you again. I really love you, Sid, but still, I thought that you’re ignoring me and you would leave me because, because same had happened me before also, but I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have doubted you. I’m feeling guilty now because I doubt you again. I’m disappointed and angry from myself for doubting the person like you who trust me and love me so much, you’re doing a lot for me, but still, I’m thinking wrong. I’m sorry,” She shuttered and cried in guilt and agony.
Tears started trickling down his cheeks mechanically, seeing his Angel’s condition. He wanted to hug her tightly. He can’t see her in pain. He could completely understand her fear.
“Angel, relax, calm down and don’t blame yourself. Don’t be so harsh on yourself. I’m not hurt that you doubted me, I’m hurt, seeing you in guilt. After what had happened with you in past, it is normal to think all this. It doesn’t mean that you don’t trust me. There are so many thoughts come in our mind, don’t overthink about negative thoughts, they are part of us only, don’t say that why I’m thinking this. I’ve always said you to think about our happy moments whenever you feel like this.” He explained her again like always and she felt better now.
“Thank you for making me understand like always and I’m fine now.” She smiled at him, wiping her tears. “You know, I myself don’t understand that what happened to me, I just lost control over myself. It is normal, right?” She asked, doubting that she’s losing her mind.
“It is utterly normal, Angel. It just that you overthink that why I’m thinking about my past again, why I’m thinking this and that. If you think something negative, think ten positive thoughts rather than thinking that why I’m thinking this. Jo thought aa rha hai use ane do, angel, don’t think too much about it. I really love you and I can’t see you like this. You’ve to understand because I can’t be with you twenty-four hours, I want to be with, but you know that work is also important. That’s why I really want you to learn to live without me too.”
She nodded her head. “I understand. Now I’m fine, don’t worry.” She smiled.
He smiled back. “Just keep smiling like this, your smile is so precious and beautiful. It really hurts to see you in tears.” He placed his hand over his heart.
“I really don’t want to doubt you, but I don’t know what happens to me always.” She whispered, again feeling guilty.
“Again, you’re overthinking. Angel, I know you trust me, you’re just scared to lose me like you had lost Arjun in past. It is completely okay if you’re thinking about the past. Don’t feel guilty because I understand you,” He blinked his eyes and she smiled blissfully. Like every time, he understood her and calm her down after being in a different country.
“I’m so lucky to have you in my life, Sidharth. I really love you. Thank you for always understanding me and standing beside me since starting.” He smiled. “I want to kiss you and hug you tightly right now.” She added.
He pouted sadly like a baby. “I miss you a lot. Next time, I’ll take you with me wherever I go.” As he uttered, her eyes glinted with happiness.
“Really?” She asked cheerfully.
“Yes, because I’m missing you.” He answered.
“I’m missing you too.” She heard the knock on the door. “Sid, I think mom is on the door. Wait,”
“Angel, then I’ll call you after taking the shower.”
“Don’t forget to call me or else I’ll not able to sleep properly the whole night without listening to your voice.”
He smiled. “I promise, I’ll call you. Now go and open the door.” She smiled and last time they looked at each other, he hung up.
“Today, I’m going to sleep with my beloved bhabhi.” As Sana opened the door, Mukti jumped over her and hugged her. She smiled, hugging her back.
“You know, I come here fighting with mom for sleeping with you. She also wanted to sleep with you. I said to her clearly that today I want to spend some private time with my bhabhi.” As they broke the hug, Mukti told her and she laughed after knowing this.
After sometime, they were talking and laughing. Mukti was showing Sid and everybody’s childhood photographs to her and telling her that how innocent he was in childhood. Mukti slept after some time, but Sana was waiting for Sid’s call. She was seeing their marriage and honeymoon photographs on her phone, having a smile on her face. She kissed his photo over the phone and giggled adorably.